"...being in a garage doesn't make you a car any more than being in a church makes u a Christian" ~Corrine A.

I asked the internet what they wanted me to write about and one reader, Corrine A. responded with a great topic I haven’t written about before. She said, “How bout a topic delving into living like the god u believe in. I don't care what it is, just stay true to morals, your morals... Not rules or worrying about what other a-holes think. That always frosted my ass. Kinda like being in a garage doesn't make you a car any more than being in a church makes u a Christian.”

For a long time I called myself an agnostic. But I was confused. Agnosticism is a view that the existence – or lack thereof - cannot be proved or disproved so therefore it is unknown. I don’t believe that AT ALL. I guess the closest “lable” I can put on myself is “polytheist.” Polytheism is the worship or belief in multiple deities or gods. Now, I don’t worship any god, but I believe in many. Actually, I believe in them all. Because, simply put, I’m not a self involved dick.

My eyes were opened and the switch started to flip from Agnostic (with Athiest leanings) to Polytheist about 9 years ago. Someone close to me (at the time) was having a TERRIBLE time getting pregnant. Lets call her Cloud. Cloud and her husband tried everything, and they tried for a very long time. And it seemed like it wasn’t going to happen.  She confided in her husband’s mother that she was deeply and darkly depressed. All she ever really wanted was to be a mom and have a bunch of kids. So, she often thought what was the point of living? Well her mother-in-law was a very hard-core faithful catholic and she believed that her god could and would bring them a baby – if only they prayed hard enough. So she gathered a group of devout catholic women, most of them closely related to her (daughters, sisters, and a close friend) and they met at Cloud's house and performed a sort-of, “laying of hands,” ceremony right there on Cloud’s tummy. Then - timing suggests – she got pregnant that night.  And she BELIEVED that it was the prayer. That was her truth. That was when I realized – maybe I don’t believe – but that IS, HER, TRUTH. It’s not a lie or wrong, or made up. It’s her truth. And who the fuck am I to tell her that what she believes to be true is wrong?

(Cloud has 5 kids now)

…and things like that just kept happening to me. Perfect paintings of other peoples’ spirituality and beliefs just kept presenting themselves to me & it really opened my eyes to a lot of things – not just with regards to peoples’ individual beliefs regarding religion and spirituality but people’s individual beliefs about life. I started applying my new thinking to all types of scenarios and people in my life. And I found that, as long as no one was proselytizing, rude, mean, or hurting themselves or other people then I was really OK with whatever other people believed and whatever they thought was true. If you told me you honestly believed that grass is blue. Not only would I believe that too (as your truth) but I’d support you and I’d stick up for you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am ALWAYS trying to learn more about everything and I’m totally into having discussions about spirituality and – FOR ME; I cannot understand or fathom certain things like magical underwear or burying a statue of a saint in your yard to sell your house and I also realize there are things I do/believe/practice that other people cannot fathom. That’s cool. Namaste.

I say embrace yourself, live in the moment, and don’t worry so much about what other people are doing (unless there is violence, injustice or intolerance – then maybe try to be helpful, if you want to)  Don’t hold other people down. And generally, be nice. Oh and this is important; if you fuck up – apologize. And try not to do it again.

So that’s the basic principals I live by. I’m messy, I drink too much, I smoke when I drink, I pick my skin, I have anxiety, and the list goes on. But I try to do my best: I try to be the best wife, employee, friend, person that I can be – and sometimes all I can be is  not very good, but I assure you, I’m trying. I actively try to show gratitude and be vocal about positivity (I compliment people a lot). I try to say, “yes,” as much as I can. I try to respect people, and if I can’t respect them I at least try to be nice to them. Sometimes the nicest thing I can do for someone is stay away from them. I hope that makes sense.  There are situations (like my work) where I don’t let my love and my light shine as brightly as I want too because it would be damaging to me. But I have a plan; and hopefully, one day I won’t have to censor myself. In the meantime, I just keep quiet, do my best and go home.

When I’m wrong, I apologize sincerely  and I try not to become a repeat offender. I feel ingenuine (which, btw, is not an actual word… yet) if I have previously apologized for something and then I thoughtlessly do it again. Feeling like a hypocrite is icky to me. I don’t like it and I don’t like who I am when I feel that way, so why would I want to share my love and life with anyone if I feel like a jackass?  Apologizing and sticking to it isn’t just important for the sake of other people’s feelings, it’s important to my personal growth. I find I am a better person if I acknowledge my mistakes, learn from them and try to be better. I struggle a lot but I try to be more confident than I am at any given moment – that’s a neat trick and it works – try it; right now, be or act more confident than you feel right now. Not cocky, just good. Smile at yourself in a mirror. It might feel silly – but silly is a positive feeling and I call that a win. Mmmmm positivity feels good! In addition to apologizing and expressing myself positively, I sometimes  all the time over apologize some would say apologize too much and too often. I say I am where I am and I love where I am so even if the only two words out of my mouth were, “I’m sorry,” I would be apologizing the perfect amount for where I am right now – but that’s just how I think. Anyway, I kind of fear that because I apologize so often that when I sincerely need to dole out a good hard apology that it won’t be taken seriously. Lets say you’re over at my house, I make you tea, I warn you that it is hot and you burn your lip anyway. I’ll apologize like crazy, get you a cool glass of water, offer to get ice for your tea, etc. Even though I know it’s not really my fault per say that you burned your lip. This annoys some people a little but it’s not like I have ownership of the things I am apologizing for (when they truly are out of my control). It’s just my way of showing sympathy, or that I care. I guess what I should say is, “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Or, “I care about you and I dislike seeing you in pain. Maybe I can offer comfort or words to show I care.” But, “I’m sorry,” is just so much faster ;-) So dear blog readers, if you ever hear my say, “I’m sorry,” what I’m really saying is, “I love you.” Keep that in your back pocket, you can use it later.

Now, to speciffically answer Corrine’s request, which I loved by the way; I can only really share what I do and what I believe. I understand that there is grey area in every aspect of life but generally, people know right from wrong. I just try to be nice, do the right thing and learn from my mistakes. I try to stay true to my morals and be a good girl. I try not to impose my beliefs on other people, but I am the first person to speak up about injustices. I admire people who talk the talk and walk the walk of their own faith. Hypocrisy annoys me, violence is intolerable and I am deeply saddened by imposed limitations on peoples’ freedom to live peaceful lives in whatever manner they please.

I also like to make people laugh and tell stories.  So there is that.

Thanks again Corrine!

Also, I slipped in a joke above about my husband thinking I apologize too much. Dont get it twisted, he picks on me in a light hearted way bececause he's looking out for me - he doenst want me to stress about the small stuff. He's awesome and supportive and I luff him mostest.

Here’s some awesome pictures of cats. You’re welcome